The Days to Go
by ImminentCalamity
Summary: His time is running short, but he can't tell him how he feels. (Destiel AU, Major Character Death)
**This is my first Lyric Fic! I've only read a few of these but I wanted to try one out. The song I used is Cancer by My Chemical Romance. I love this song so much, and it inspired this. (obviously)**

 **I hope this is decently written. I've combed through it several times but if you see any mistakes please tell me! I also appreciate comments and critique! (But don't just bash my work, that's not nice.) This story was only written in two days, and I was at school! So I hope I didn't do too bad.**

 **Well this is getting long...**

 **Try to figure out if it's Dean or Cas that's narrating before the end. ;)**

 **Enjoy!**

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 _Turn away,_

 _If you could get me a drink_

 _Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded_

We were reminiscing about the past. That's how it had begun years ago, and that's how it should end now.

He asked if I remembered how he had ran from his house to mine every day after school, although he lived a mile and a half away. I had bought him a bike when I found out. I saved up my allowance for a month, just to make it easier.

We shared memories of times we acted like idiots and times when we needed someone to just be there and we always were. We shared until I ran out of breath and my voice croaked. "Do you need anything?" He had asked worriedly. Water was all I said, but that wasn't all I needed. I never told him what I needed. Not until it was too late.

 _Call my aunt Marie_

 _Help her gather all my things_

 _And bury me in all my favorite colors,_

My family had thought it would be a good idea to start donating my things to charity foundations. He helped me, because he was my best friend. When I couldn't find the strength to carry the boxes to the car, he did it so I wouldn't have to.

I should have been sad to see my possessions go, but there were no tears shed. I still had a few pairs of clothes to get me through whatever time I had left, and a few things I asked to be buried with.

We picked out a coffin the other day. It was hard to find one for someone who was still living, who knew they could have less days than they imagined. It was hard. Very hard.

I tested them out to find one that would fit my full length. I made sure there was extra room at the sides for my things. He picked out flowers. Green and blue. He said they reminded him of us, and our eternal friendship. Best friends forever, as he said years ago when we were seven.

Another family in the funeral home had looked upon me in pity, although they had had a devastating loss. I should have pitied them, not the other way.

 _My sisters and my brothers, still,_

 _I will not kiss you,_

 _'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you ._

I wish I could have told him. I wanted to tell him. The three words seem simple to anyone else with a future, but those three words from me would have torn him apart.

I wanted to tell him before it was too late. I couldn't. Because when I'm gone all he will remember are those three words and how we could have had a future. But, I have no future. Therefore I couldn't tell him. I must keep those three words a secret for eternity.

I saw his hesitation as we walked to our favorite ice cream shop. "We should talk." He had said, almost as a command. I told him to wait until later. I saw the desperation in his eyes as he stopped in front of me.

"Please." His voice was weak, weary even. I shook my head. I couldn't. If we talked I would tell them those three words. And if I admitted it, he would be broken when I'm gone. So I shook my head, "I can't."

There were more words to that sentence. More words I couldn't say because if I continued I would have ended up saying, "Because I love you."

I kept it to myself in the end.

 _Now turn away,_

 _'Cause I'm awful just to see_

 _'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,_

 _Oh, my agony,_

I was mad. Even now I can't remember why it was directed at him. I was angry, seething. I hated the fact that there was a so called God that allowed this to happen to me. My hair had fallen out, my skin paled and clammy. I had vomited my lunch more than I could count and my life was all around shit.

I don't remember why I yelled at him. I don't remember why I hit him with weak fists until I was on the verge of tears. And even when the tears had fallen, I had screamed at him to go away and leave me alone.

I yelled that he shouldn't have to see me like this and that I didn't deserve to have him in my life. Everything around him should be precious and good.

And when it was all over and I had finished, he held my hands and sat with me on the couch until I fell asleep.

 _Know that I will never marry,_

 _Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo_

 _But counting down the days to go_

At seventeen years old, most would be worrying about jobs and homework, and trying to find their own identity for when they were an adult. But I had no worries, because I wouldn't be there to worry.

I had managed to make it to my seventeenth birthday. No one thought I would actually live that long. But it turns out they were somewhat right.

When the party was over, and everything had been cleaned up, we sat on the couch in silence. I knew he wanted to talk to me, he wanted a last real conversation before it was over. We had sat there and just looked at each other. But nothing more.

Then everything went wrong.

 _It just ain't living_

 _And I just hope you know_

 _That if you say (if you say)_

 _Goodbye today (goodbye today)_

 _I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)_

I awoke in an ambulance. I had no idea what had happened, or what was going on. He was there. He reached forward, despite the paramedics' agitated glares and held my hand.

No words were exchanged. No words were needed. I knew it was time. I felt weak and cold. I looked into his eyes. He knew as well, that it was time to say goodbye. I was ready, I had been for awhile. I just hoped that he would be ready, too.

 _'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you_

He held my hand between both of his. His teeth gritted in anger, betrayal. Despair. His eyes shut tightly and his head dropped to his chest. I could feel the way his hands tightened around mine, and his body wracked with sobs. He was silent, as he always was, but his actions spoke louder than words.

"It's okay," I had said. My voice was hoarse, I could barely recognize it, "I'm ready." He shook his head quickly, muttering, "It's not fair. It's not fair."

He was right. It wasn't fair. But this experience I had gone through had taught me that not everyone will be able to have a life that they want. Life isn't fair. Life doesn't care about you.

But, for his sake, I had squeezed his hand and smiled, "It's fine. The world just wasn't ready for me yet."

He wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve and looked at me, "I wanted to tell you something." His voice trembled, "Please listen."

In the background I could hear the heart monitor slow, the panic of the paramedics, and the tires turning against the road. Despite this, all my focus was turned toward him. He leaned forward and placed his lips to my forehead.

 _'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you_

The last words I heard made everything better. It made leaving a little less hard. His last words put a smile on my face just before I slipped away. The words ensured I would truly rest in peace. Those last words. An answer to something I never got the chance to say. Something I never got to admit. I was given the answer I had wondered for most of my life.

 _"I love you too, Dean."_

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 **Thank you so much for reading!**

 **Please leave nice comments to inspire me to write more, (and to possibly get me to finish my damn Criminal Minds fanfic.)**

 **I hope you enjoyed! ~imminentcalamity**


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